It’s finally departure day. Unfortunately for you, this will also be a “spill your guts and inner emotions on your blog” day for me. After a weekend of fun and family, I left my sister’s apartment on Sunday night got in my car and had a mini meltdown. The past week has been a whirlwind of quick hello’s and even quicker goodbye’s to the people I care about. As thankful as I am for this globe trotting life, I hate this. Saying goodbye to people you love, feeling guilty that you won’t be present for important things (i.e. sister’s wedding planning, Christmas,etc.) hoping that your friends don’t forget about you in the next 8 months… I realize that 8 months isn’t a particularly long time, but for me the next few years will be this constant cycle of coming and going, packing and unpacking, hello’s and goodbye’s.
Coupled with the sadness of leaving are the neurotic and scared thoughts. I am nervous about getting a job in order, receiving a work permit, making friends and speaking a new language. I hope that those who know me realize that these “trips” are not simply sightseeing tours. My first two weeks in Munich will most likely me spent schlepping my behind around Bavaria interviewing for teaching positions.
What comforts and encourages me is the fact that although, the particulars of my situation may be unique, much of what I’m experiencing is rather commonplace for those my age. Everyone I speak to echoes the feelings of separation and dislocation. Many of my friends have changed jobs, changed life goals, moved cities, moved states and have begun lives for which they feel unprepared. Friend circles are dwindling from the levels of our university days. Nobody is settled. We’re all struggling together. I am lucky that I have family members who are pretty excellent examples of navigating this time, and I’ll look to them more and more.
So going forward, I know that I will work twice as hard to maintain the friendships I care about. I know that in Germany I’m going to be with someone I love. I know that I will work my ass off, and I know that I will probably gain ten pounds off of sausage, beer and pretzels. I know that as soon as I land in Munich I’ll be kicking myself for spending even a second worrying about this. I am so thankful to have people I love in so many different locations.
“This is what love is for, to be out of place”-Wilco